Spas on a budget (not Paris Hilton's budget)

I used to believe spas were only for the rich and wrinkly. Then I was granted a rare opportunity to visit Phoenix's Arizona Biltmore.

Rose quartz facial, anyone? Seven pools and extensive use of my sarong later, I was a convert. The good news: even this, home of the $1600 villa (yes, really), has secret bargains. After making friends with an on-property insider, I discovered that the spa actually harbors a super-secret $149-a-night rate...but you have to call to ask. For $20 a day, you get to lounge in eight swimming pools (including Marilyn Monroe's personal favorite, a tiled wonder); slip down a 90-foot water slide that runs through an art deco statue; get sloshed at the swim-up bar; laze in the still waters of the indoor spa tubs, and watch "dive-in movies" while floating in bubble-like inner tubes at night.

Tulum, Mexico: Bikini Boot Camp
It ain't free, but it's about a fifth of the price of most spas, and includes a lot more.
Book starting January 1 for the  "off season" cut rate.
You get: Snorkeling, a visit to Mayan ruins, beachside massages, Mayan clay treatments, a chemical-free low-cal diet, yoga, kayaking, two bike excursions, drumming, dancing-- $1842 for six nights. (Bikini optional, clothing not.)

Rishikesh, India: High Banks Peasants Cottage
What's that you say? You want really cheap? Then think Rishikesh, beloved yoga center of India. True, you probably won't find macrobiotic food waved across milkweed pods, invigorated with bearberries and presented by Baron Baptiste. What you will find is actual gurus wearing orange robes who teach yoga on thick, straw-filled mats. You will find ringtailed monkeys who authentically leer at you en route to the ashram in the early morning, and holy cows (literally). And you will walk along the banks of the sacred Ganges river, in the shadow of the snow-capped Himalayas. In other words, everything the western-style spas have attempted to gild is here in its natural lily form. And yes, some of it smells like dung.
That said, consider: A stay at High Banks Peasants Cottage, a charming guest house that boasts Kate Winslet among its patrons, will run you $35 a night for a "deluxe air conditioned room" with all meals, ayurvedic herbs, veggies grown on-site (psst--when it comes to India and produce, if you can't peel it, don't eat it) and Wi-Fi access. This is considered pricey in a land where the average hotel will run you $5/night (bedbugs included).

Ananda Ashram:
Now we're talking cheap. Okay, this Monroe, NY, retreat isn't a spa in the strict sense of the word, but yoga plus food plus acres of natural land and lake equals spa enough in my book, especially at these prices. $310 a week will get you a dorm stay in a dollhouse-style building, vegan meals, yoga, meditation, spiritual talks and concerts. Want to stay for a month? $980 is all it takes. Just remember to leave your shoes at the door, open your heart wide, and say "Ommmmm."

--Jamie Kiffel-Alcheh